so does everyone know the fat girl? the group of friends that has the ONE overweight girl in it? the one girl in the family who is over weight? The girl who can't let her picture be taken, won't let her husband see her naked, and is constantly worried about her weight?
Let me introduce you to someone.....
My name is Chrissi. and. I. AM. FAT. Last time I weighed in at my doc's office I was a whopping 225. I told them they didn't need to weigh me, that I could tell them all they needed to know about my weight. F-A-T. they laughed at me. seriously.
Now I did start the Atkin's 2 weeks ago. I am down 7 lbs. to 218. which I thought was good. but this Atkin's shit is killing me. literally. I may starve. to. death. i love my carbs. I love my fries and my chips those are my downfall. but during the first two weeks of atkin's I co uldn't even eat a piece of freakin fruit. I love apples. I have been to the gym 4 times in the last 2 weeks, and would like to go more but MAN I am just so friggin tired. not to mention tha tI am convinced that everyone and I mean EVERYONE right down to the man in the corner is staring at me, laughing at me, talking about the fat girl on the eliptical, pointing at me or at least thinking in their head... man is that girl fat.
Now i know I know, I am a size 18 it could be worse, I could be bigger, I could be the 750 lb man on TV. I watched the TLC show on the obese clinic in NYC and I would poke the D-man and say see...see...thats what I look like.
at which point I get the "look" an dhe says Yeah Chrissi because I can't even see past your thigh. I know it could be worse. I get it. but I have a 7 yr old daughter who the other day she told me she was fat. my 7 yr old who only weighs 46 lbs and is probably the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. {ok ..ok... so I am biased} so I know I need to lose the weight for my health, my BP, my thyroid w hich is part of the problem, and so I can show my kids a healthier lifestyle. its just that those damn McDonalds fries call me. seriously. you doubt me? they DO!
Anyway- tonight is my first Dr. Pepper in 10 days. 10! and I am loving every bit of that wonderful bitch!
I am thinking the atkins is not for me. I can't do it. 7 lbs is great so far. but I have a twin brother who runs marathons. MARATHONS do you hear me? and last year the 2 mile walk/run I was supposed to do with him i faked a migraine because I was embarresed of how big I had become and how I would not be able to do it. the walk /run is in july. My goal is to lose at least 30 lbs by then. to do the walk and to prove that I CAN dO it. so you will hear me vent, scream, cry and moan about it. but I WILL DO IT.
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5 comments:
First of all....the atkins diet is terrible. it makes you feel crazy! I,too, can not live without my sweet tea (which I have knocked down to one a week vs. everyday) and my fast food. Have you looked into Weight watchers?? I know it can be pricy but it allows you to eat the things you want. If you really want mcd fries, you can have them, you just have to count the points into your day. So I would eat a healthy low point lunch just so I could enjoy mcd for dinner once and while.
You won't be able to do anything till you change your self-image. I can't tell you aren't fat, b/c I don't know you. What i mean by that is I am not happy at my weight of 170ish...and people tell me i am not fat, but to me, I am. this is not healthy for me. It is how you feel. but you can't self-talk so negatively. You have to feel beautiful no matter what size you are for your daughter. She hears you and her friends. I made myself quit negatively talking about myself because it brought me down.
You are beautiful! You are a woman! And it is DAMN hard to be a woman...especially around thin women who don't have to work at it. OMG that pisses me off...it just isn't fair!! Be proud of who you are and then it will be easier to work toward your goals.
I hope you don't mind the comments. Your blog just broke my heart. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. I want to drive over to you and give you a BIG hug!! :)
Hey Chrissi..
wel,l I guess I have a different take on Atkins. yep, it is a HORRIBLE diet to be on because it is so restrictive to be on at first, but you just have to give it some time. Are you still eating your veggies? you can have certain ones. Have you had a cesar salad? that's yummy and totally allowed on Atkins. You can also have broccoli, tomoatoes...and a few other veggies. Make some koolaid with splenda, or have some diet rite soda. If you need that chocolate fix, you could probably have a few sugar free candies, but be close to a bathroom...lol. I have 105lbs to lose right now to be happy and I am just as unmotivated as I'll ever be. I can't do Atkins very well, but if you need any ideas, let me know because I have done it before, and DH is doing it right now!
thanks ladies for your comments. I weidghed at the gym today~ I have lost 8 lbs I am down to 214. I am going to try weight watchers with my husbands aunt and see how that works. I have calculated how many points i can have per day and have lots of reciepes and such. so we will see. I am at the gym every other day and I am just going to do whatever it takes to make it work.
that is awesome!! Congrats on your loss!! You should be feeling great! :) Good luck with the WW thing. i love it b/c it is more real life!! If you need any pointers I have lots :)
I could use all the pointers I can get!!!!!!!
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